I had one of those moments this morning – verging on Hallmark. They don’t happen often but when they do they’re quite something. Walking into the triplets bedroom, wafting away that unmistakable morning smell of stale milk, sweat and warm pooh, as I opened the blinds and looked at my three it was like I was seeing them for the first time, through fresh eyes and it really was quite a vision. How on earth did I get lucky enough to have these three little chubby legged cherubs in my life, to keep?! I think back to the pregnancy -hideous and the first six months of their lives before my cancer diagnosis – horrendous and although I feel incredibly sad that I have almost no happy memories of those times I just have to look at them now and I feel overwhelmed with good fortune. If I had to go back and do it all again, I’m not sure I’d make it but I’m eternally grateful that I’ve got this far. It’s like I live life, most of the time, wearing glasses with the wrong lenses in – everything is a little fuzzy, blurry and I just can’t see clearly at all but now and again, thank god, everything zooms into focus and it takes my breath away. Just like the reward charts some of us use from time to time with our little ones, I think I might start keeping a ‘moments’ chart – I’ll ignore the bad ones, giving them as little focus as possible and hope that they quietly disappear and highlight the good with gold stars and fanfares giving them all the attention they deserve.
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