I find myself looking at couples a lot. I guess you could call it spying. I’m fascinated by how the whole relationship ‘thang’ works for other people because right now it’s a total mystery to me. Like lots of things that I’ve rediscovered in recent months, I’m definitely coming back to life a little as far as the desire for some love and affection goes. Blame it on the miracle of renewed good health, running, singing or being half way through reading Fifty Shades of Grey..whatever the reason, I’m doing my best to think positively about future relationships and not give in to the horrible image I sometimes have of myself as someone so emotionally and physically scarred by events that any sane person would run a mile (from me, not to mention my four).
It’s a hard thing to get my head around. The idea of someone new coming into my life feels so riddled with complications that I feel like I could develop an acute case of narcolepsy at the mere thought of it. I mean where the hell to begin? Imagine it, for most people, a little bit of flirting and delicious eye contact might lead to an innocent coffee or lunch date. There they are, chatting away animatedly, telling funny stories and showing themselves in their very best light. And then the ‘getting to know you’ questions start. Like I said, they’re chatting away animatedly, looking gorgeous and showing themselves in their very best light. I’m suffering from brain freeze brought on by extreme panic at how the hell I tell a virtual stranger a little bit about my world without making it sound totally insane. Take a deep breath and smile brightly? Kids? Yes, four..including three two year olds. Ex partner? Oh, you know, was a bit rocky but we’re on good terms now (probably best not to mention the moments of madness that still occur on a regular basis). And then there’s the matter of health. How to mention cancer without killing the conversation stone, cold dead. It’s a lot for someone to take in on a first date. Would have to be a pretty special someone for there to be a second.
Not that I’m anywhere near going on a first date. Be quite nice though. One day…
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