I like to keep one step ahead and can officially announce that I’ve already had what I hope is my one and only Christmas meltdown. At about five pm this afternoon I could be found sobbing hysterically in the bathroom, light off and door shut, sitting on the loo seat wailing. It’s not been the best day. Humiliating scenes in the park this morning, the baffled stares of other parents as I failed to maintain any kind of control over my brood in the playground. An unpleasant couple of hours with a certain person this afternoon as we locked horns over plans for New Year and then the icing on the mouldy cake – a smashed TV courtesy of Mr Louis and a plastic horse.
Funny how you can keep going, coping with all the big stuff and doing all you can to hold everything together and then a cracked flat screen telly sends you flying over the edge and leaves you in a heap, crumpled and pathetic on the floor.
Forget the Christmas edition of Only Fools and Horses or the obligatory Bond movie on Boxing Day. How the hell am I supposed to manage over the coming week without the ninety nine pre recorded episodes of Peppa Pig that will keep my three entertained while I peel the spuds and try to do something impressive with the sprouts? I’m not proud of how much I depend on the TV to keep my little ones entertained, giving me moments of respite here and there but it’s a fact. The thought of surviving without it -well, me howling upstairs, in the dark at tea time kind of tells you all you need to know. Poor little Louis came to look for me and got such a fright at seeing me in such a state of distress that he also fell apart, sobbing as though the world had ended. Which, I’m ashamed to admit, it kind of felt like it had.
Deep breath, count to ten. I can do it. I can rise to this latest challenge.
Actually, sod that. I can’t. Forget the big food shop tomorrow morning. I’m off to buy a telly. Mr Tumble, wherever you are, I need you. And you, Peppa. And George. Oh and Ben and Holly too and don’t forget Fireman Sam and the Doodlebops and…